Talking about feelings (Advanced)
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Think about these questions before reading. Share your ideas with a partner.
- Think about a time you found it difficult to put your feelings into words. What made the emotion so complex or hard to describe?
- How do you navigate situations where you feel 'mixed emotions'—for instance, feeling both excited and apprehensive about a major life change?
- To what extent do you think having a rich vocabulary for emotions allows a person to understand their own feelings better? Can learning a new word for a feeling change how you experience it?
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Offering Emotional Support
Listen to the dialogue. Notice how the vocabulary and grammar from the lesson are used.
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Key expressions for discussing feelings
Vocabulary
These expressions will help you communicate more naturally and precisely about this topic.
Examples
To be fraught with (an emotion) — to be full of a particular unpleasant feeling, like tension or anxiety.
This is a semi-formal phrase often used to describe a situation, atmosphere, or relationship. Common collocations: a relationship fraught with jealousy, an atmosphere fraught with tension.
To bottle up your feelings — to deliberately hide your emotions and not express them.
This phrase has a negative connotation, suggesting that keeping emotions inside is unhealthy. It's common in conversations about mental well-being.
A gut feeling — an instinctive feeling or intuition that you can't logically explain.
Informal and very common. We often say 'I have a gut feeling that...' or 'My gut is telling me...'. It implies trusting your instincts over rational analysis.
To come to terms with (something) — to gradually accept a difficult, sad, or painful situation.
This describes a process over time, not a sudden realisation. It's often used when discussing major life changes, loss, or disappointment.
To be overcome with/by (an emotion) — to be so strongly affected by a feeling that it's hard to control your reaction.
This can be used for both positive and negative emotions. For example: 'She was overcome with joy when she saw him,' or 'He was overcome by a wave of panic.'
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Describing emotional states
How do we describe complex emotional reactions? These phrases can help.
Match the beginning of each sentence on the left with its correct ending on the right.
Drag or click to match
Definitions
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Useful phrases: Offering support to someone
Vocabulary
When a friend or colleague is going through a difficult time, it can be hard to know what to say. These phrases will help you open a conversation, show empathy, and offer support in a natural and sensitive way.
Examples
I've been thinking about you. How are you holding up? — A gentle way to open a conversation and check in.
Register: Informal/Neutral. Use this when you know someone is going through a tough time but you haven't spoken recently. 'Holding up' is a softer, more empathetic alternative to 'How are you?'.
That sounds incredibly tough. It's completely understandable that you'd feel that way. — Validating someone's feelings and showing empathy.
Register: Neutral. This is crucial for making someone feel heard. It avoids accidentally dismissing their emotions and confirms that their reaction is normal and justified.
I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you're going through, but I'm here for you. — Expressing sincere support without making assumptions.
Register: Informal/Neutral. Use this to show deep empathy while respecting the uniqueness of their experience. It's often more comforting than saying 'I know how you feel'.
Don't feel you have to put on a brave face around me. I'm here if you just need to vent. — Creating a safe space for someone to be honest about their feelings.
Register: Informal. 'To put on a brave face' means to pretend you're fine when you're not. 'To vent' means to express negative emotion freely. This phrase gives them permission to be vulnerable.
Is there anything I can do to take the pressure off, even just for a little while? — Offering practical help in a specific, non-pushy way.
Register: Informal/Neutral. This is much more effective than the vague 'Let me know if you need anything'. It prompts them to think of a small, concrete task you could help with.
Take all the time you need. There's no rush to feel better. — Reassuring them and removing the pressure to recover quickly.
Register: Informal/Neutral. A comforting closing phrase that shows patience and understanding, acknowledging that processing difficult emotions isn't a quick or linear process.
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Complete the sentences with words from the box. One word is extra.
Word bank
01The negotiation was with tension, and both sides were reluctant to compromise.
02It's unhealthy to constantly up your feelings; it's better to talk about what's bothering you.
03I ignored my feeling that the investment was a bad idea, and I ended up losing a lot of money.
04After the initial shock, he slowly began to come to with his new reality.
05As the verdict was read, the victim's family was visibly with emotion.
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Grammar: Cleft sentences for emphasis
Grammar
Cleft sentences split a single clause into two to emphasize a particular piece of information. They are extremely useful when discussing feelings, as they allow you to pinpoint the specific reason or aspect of a situation that caused a particular emotional response.
Examples
It wasn't the decision itself that upset me, but the way it was announced.
The 'It + be...' structure focuses on the specific cause of the emotion, creating a contrast.
What I find so difficult is feeling ambivalent about a person I've known for years.
Using a 'Wh-clause' (What...) as the subject emphasizes the action or the feeling itself, rather than the person or thing causing it.
The reason he was on cloud nine was that he had finally overcome his biggest fear.
This structure ('The reason... is/was that...') is a clear and effective way to explicitly state the cause of a strong feeling.
Key points
- Use 'It is/was...' to emphasize a noun phrase (the person, thing, time, or reason).
- Use 'What...' to emphasize the action or the object of an action.
- Ensure the verb in the main clause agrees with the verb in the relative clause (e.g., 'It was his reaction that made me...' not '...that make me...').
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Error correction
The sentences below are about expressing feelings and reflecting on the past. Each one contains one error.
Find the single error in each sentence and correct it.
01It took her a long time to come to terms on the fact that she wouldn't get the promotion.
Corrected version
It took her a long time to come to terms on with the fact that she wouldn't get the promotion.
02What it frustrates me is when people aren't honest about how they feel.
Corrected version
What it frustrates me is when people aren't honest about how they feel.
03If you would have told me you were feeling ambivalent, I would have given you more time to decide.
Corrected version
If you would have had told me you were feeling ambivalent, I would have given you more time to decide.
04He has a habit of bottling down his emotions, which can't be good for him.
Corrected version
He has a habit of bottling down up his emotions, which can't be good for him.
05I wish I didn't react so angrily; I feel terrible about it now.
Corrected version
I wish I didn't react hadn't reacted so angrily; I feel terrible about it now.
06Upon hearing the verdict, he was completely overcame with relief.
Corrected version
Upon hearing the verdict, he was completely overcame overcome with relief.
07The atmosphere in the room after the argument was fraught of tension.
Corrected version
The atmosphere in the room after the argument was fraught of with tension.
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Reading: The myth of professional detachment
Read the passage below, then answer the comprehension questions.
For years, I operated under the assumption that the professional world had no place for genuine emotional expression. It was the constant pressure to appear unflappable that I found most draining. Any meeting fraught with tension had to be navigated with a calm exterior, a performance that left me exhausted. I would consistently bottle up my feelings, believing it was a sign of strength. My gut feeling, however, was that this emotional suppression was unsustainable. Eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that authenticity required vulnerability. The day I finally admitted to my team that I was struggling with a project's direction, I was nearly overcome with anxiety, expecting the worst. But what followed wasn't judgment; it was support. It was this experience that taught me the true value of emotional honesty, even within the structured confines of the workplace.
01According to the author, what was the most exhausting aspect of their professional life?
Sample answerThe most exhausting aspect was the constant pressure to hide their true feelings and appear calm and unaffected by stress.
02Why did the author initially choose to 'bottle up' their feelings?
Sample answerThey believed that hiding their emotions was a sign of professional strength.
03What does the author imply about the long-term effects of suppressing emotions at work?
Sample answerThe author implies that it is not a sustainable strategy and can lead to negative personal consequences, like exhaustion.
04What can be inferred about the author's relationship with their team after the incident described?
Sample answerIt can be inferred that the relationship became more supportive and trusting after the author showed vulnerability.
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Discuss these questions with a partner. Try to use vocabulary from the lesson.
- To what extent do you think your culture encourages people to 'bottle up' certain feelings? Are there specific emotions that are considered taboo to express publicly, and what are the social consequences of doing so?
- Some argue that major life decisions, especially those fraught with uncertainty, should be guided more by a 'gut feeling' than by logical analysis. To what extent do you agree with this perspective? Can you think of a situation where intuition proved more reliable than reason, or vice versa?
- Consider the process of 'coming to terms with' a significant life change, such as a career shift or the end of a relationship. Do you believe it's a linear process, or is it more common to be periodically overcome by old feelings like regret or nostalgia even after you think you've accepted the situation?