Managing feelings: giving simple advice

A2
60 min
Premium
1

Think about these questions before watching. Share your ideas with a partner.

  1. When do you feel stressed or nervous? For example, before a test or when you speak English.
  2. What do you do to feel calm and relaxed?
  3. Your friend is angry about something. What is some good advice for them?
2

Watch the video carefully. Pay attention to the main ideas and key details.

Video script82 segments · click a timestamp to jump

AMY JEN SU: Think about a bad habit

you've been trying to break.

For example, you're sitting in a meeting,

and dialogue is happening and you find yourself

starting to get impatient.

There's, like, almost a rise in your body physiologically.

And the next thing you know, you snap

or you interrupt one of your colleagues,

and it leads to not a great discussion.

Our impulses and knee-jerk reactions

can sometimes be our worst enemies.

Perhaps you walked into a team meeting

with your direct reports, and rather than empowering them,

you swooped in, took over the project,

and created an unnecessary fire drill.

And so how do we deal with those moments?

If you can find that magic pause right in between that moment

of stimulus or that physiological surge

or that uncomfortable emotion then you've

got a better chance at saying, what's

the choice that allows me to be authentic, constructive,

and effective?

The first is when I call a mantra or swing thought.

And a swing thought really comes from the world of golfers.

So there's thoughts that they have

that help them drop into their bodies

so when they're ready to swing and hit the ball,

it's almost like an automatic response.

It's like a mantra, which then brings mind and body together.

Selecting a mantra or a word where you've associated it

with a certain body stance or body

posture or a set of physical sensations

is how it really works together.

For example, I have a goofy one that's

called rabbit that I picked up from a child's book called

The Rabbit Listened.

So now when I find myself feeling impatient in a meeting

with a colleague, I simply say to myself the word rabbit,

and my body cues to calm down, listen, and get present.

There's nothing like the breath to reduce anxiety.

And so one of my favorite techniques

comes from a western M.D. called Dr. Andrew Weil,

and he has this technique called the 4-7-8 breathing technique.

And so even as you're walking to a presentation

you might be nervous about or perhaps a time

when you know you can feel that you might

be reactive in a difficult conversation,

as you're walking down the hall, you simply pause,

inhale for a count of four, hold that breath for seven,

and then exhale for eight.

And by time you've walked in the door,

you're in a much less reactive state.

Deep breathing and anxiety just do not go together.

The third technique that you can use

is what I call the washing the dishes meditation.

When I washed the dishes now, I simply try to wash the dishes.

It sounds simple enough, but in fact, think about the last time

you washed dishes.

Was your mind wandering?

Perhaps you're thinking about the email you need to do.

Perhaps you're already thinking about your next day

and your to-do list.

And so the practice is to come back to the dish

over and over again and feel the hot water, feel the plate,

feel yourself washing the dishes.

How do you come back to the dish, come back to the water,

and get present and be in your physical body

so that you can pay attention.

Now translate this the next day when you go to the workplace

and you're in a meeting and you find your mind getting

distracted, you find yourself wanting

to check your cell phone.

Instead now, think of it like washing the dishes,

and you get very present to your colleagues

and the conversation at hand.

So these three tips are really about ways

to bring mind and matter together

and to find that magic pause.

When stimulus comes in, I'm going to find a way to pause

and think about what's the most authentic,

constructive, or productive response, versus falling

into our bad habits or knee-jerk reactions.

3

Answer these questions in your own words. Support your answers with evidence from the video.

01What is an example of a bad reaction in a meeting from the video?
Sample answerAn example is when you get impatient and interrupt a colleague.
02Why does the speaker say the word 'rabbit' to herself?
Sample answerShe says 'rabbit' to help her body calm down and listen.
03When is a good time to use the 4-7-8 breathing technique?
Sample answerIt is good to use when you are nervous, like before a presentation or a difficult talk.
04How can the 'washing the dishes' idea help you at work?
Sample answerIt helps you pay attention in a meeting and not get distracted by your phone.
4

Key vocabulary

Vocabulary
These expressions will help you talk about managing your feelings.
Examples
Take a deep breath — to breathe in a lot of air slowly to help you relax.
Usage note: We often say this as advice. For example: 'Before you speak, take a deep breath.'
Calm down — to stop feeling angry, excited, or nervous.
Usage note: This is a very common phrasal verb. You can tell someone, 'Please calm down,' or say, 'I need a minute to calm down.'
React without thinking — to do something immediately in response to a situation, before you have time to think about it.
Usage note: This is similar to a 'knee-jerk reaction' from the video. It can sometimes cause problems.
Lose your temper — to suddenly become very angry.
Usage note: This is a common idiom. For example: 'He lost his temper when his computer stopped working.'
Give someone advice — to tell someone your opinion about what they should do.
Usage note: Remember, 'advice' is uncountable. You can say 'give some advice' or 'give a piece of advice,' but not 'give an advice.'
5

Decide if each statement is true or false. Correct the false ones.

01The idea of a 'swing thought' comes from people who play golf.
02In the 4-7-8 breathing technique, you hold your breath for a count of four.
03The 'washing the dishes' meditation helps you practice focusing on one thing.
04The video says it is good to find a pause between a feeling and a reaction.
05The speaker's special word to help her calm down is 'listen'.
6

Discuss these questions with a partner. Try to use vocabulary from the lesson.

  1. What is a common bad habit in your country when people are stressed? For example, do people often lose their temper in traffic? What advice would you give?
  2. Is it always bad to react without thinking? Can it sometimes be a good thing? Give an example.
  3. Imagine your friend is nervous before speaking English in a presentation. What is the best way for them to calm down? Should they take a deep breath, or do something else?